I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize