whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
