three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize