shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
