Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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