I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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