Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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