I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
