I heard we made out
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize