I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
