How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
