im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
