I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
