thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
