12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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