he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize