i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
