Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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