i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
