I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
