so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
