4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want to fling myself into the sun
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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