Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
