girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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