I want to walk on stilts...naked
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
