i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I touched a dick in church today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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