Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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