She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
