and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
