Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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