He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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