I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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