We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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