i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
