Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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