guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
