Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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