Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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