Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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