you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
