I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
