I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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