so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
