I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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