Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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