i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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