I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
