Screwed.edu
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
