I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
