Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
