We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Life is so much better after having sex.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
