Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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