Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
