He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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