he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
