Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
