sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He felt like a one man threesome
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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