you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
