you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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