she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
