Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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