my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
