apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
