erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
